I just read an article that spoke to how, we, through our lives make friends (graph and all). It was quite on point. It spoke to when we make friends at what ages and where we see significant increases (attending post-secondary) and how it begins to drop off as we get married, have kids etc. So the ones closest to us are still the friendships we made through childhood and a few (depending on how good our ‘keeping in touch’ skills are) from our post-secondary lives.
Assuming you have settled in one city or area (GTA as an example) this circle of friends would fit the bill of contentment. What happens if you start to lead a nomadic life? Whether it be for your job, your spouse’s/partner’s or family reasons… Whatever, this circle of friends as mentioned above may stay the same (phew) but does that mean you don’t have any friends moving forward? And I don’t mean acquaintances but actually developed relationships with ‘new’ people when you know you’ll be leaving them soon enough.
Having set foot in this direction more than a year and a half ago, for the first time, my mind is a buzz reflecting on the relationships that have and potential one’s that could have developed.
I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. So when I reflect back and think would of, could of, should of I have to remind myself it’s not up to me. Or is it when it comes to making new friends as adults?
As we get older less happens by happenstance. We have careers, families and what inevitably comes along with those – schedules. So maybe we do need to take control. As most of you know within a month of arriving here we found out that Miss C was on her way. A few months after that I started working and my life as a TH (temporary housewife) was over. There are very few women who remember, like or both the first trimester. Needless to say any ‘potential’ new relationships were out the window.
In this type of situation one has to remember we are the ‘outsiders’ the people we met don’t need friends – we do. And, after you have not reached out (in months) to anyone who offered you a warm welcome in the beginning thoughts run through your head (mine anyways) “maybe they were just being nice” or “I don’t want them to pity hang out with us because we have no friends”. I am going to equate this nonsense talk to pregnancy hormones as I don’t know anything different. But that being said, is there an expiry date to when you can reach back out to someone?
But as time passed, both of us working full time and expecting our first kiddo it was enough to keep us busy and content in our own little world, revelling in what is to be of our new family. Over time, we naturally developed friendships. And funnily enough we are now slowly starting to re-connect with those we haven’t seen since we first got here.
So again I ask the question, as an adult, to friend or not to friend?